The more they stay the same.
Today, I just finished reading the book, Ready Player One. It was a fun read. Lots of action and adventure with tons of 80's references thrown in. It also had a romance element. The couple in the book were a couple of dorks together. That was the reason my husband wanted me to read it. It very much reminded both of us of our relationship.
When I had finished the book, I was just sad and missing my husband more than ever. I just want my happy ending.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Playing catch up
My last post was around 4 years ago. I let life get in the way of my whining. This July will be eight years since our lives have been turned upside down. We have faced appeal hearings, appeal denials, and changes to housing. He now lives across the state which makes it difficult to see him and I couldn't do it without the help of his family.
At one point, my husband was brought back to have a hearing on his appeal. It was nice to have him closer but the visitation in county jail was a lot different than prison. We couldn't even be in the same room. Since he left to serve his time in the prison system, the county that we used to live in now requires video conferencing for the visits. I understand that is for the safety for all involved, but my problem is that we never had any contact during those visits. So in my opinion, the video visits were only for two reasons: 1. So they can monitor the visits easier (fine) and 2. Keeping contraband from being smuggled to inmates. (I do feel sorry for any organization that cannot trust its employees since I NEVER HAD CONTACT WITH MY HUSBAND AT COUNTY).
The other significant event that happened during this time was actually at the hearing. We were in the same room with the student with the lies and their family. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but it was manageable. I did not lash out as much as I wanted to. I could control my need for retribution. At the end of the hearing both sides were talking to the lawyers. My husband had to go to the bathroom. He was kept in his shackles because he is in the system. He had to hobble his way across the room to get there. As he hobbled across the prosecution side, the mother and two of her children felt the need to laugh out loud at my husband's predicament. As a parent, I understand the feeling of wanting to hurt the person that I think hurt my child. I just don't understand how laughing can be part of the equation.
We have had other ups and downs in the system. It is not an easy life. I should have thought of sticking with this blog much sooner to keep the ups and downs up to date.
We have been going through another difficult challenge for the past week. Last week, I was actually visiting my husband. I was looking forward to being with him. I have been going through a lot lately with my job and we were going to take the weekend to hash it out. When I got there, I found out that it was going to be a non contact visit because he had been locked up. It is something that they do for violent prisoners and other trouble makers. He had informed me that several of the inmates around him have been locked up and so I was afraid that his time was coming. Suddenly, I felt like I had suffered a punch in the gut. I was suddenly afraid for my husband and I had no idea what he was going through.
I tried to be strong when I saw him, but I was still not prepared to see my husband in a cage. During visit, they are placed in a secure cell to keep everyone safe. When I finally got to lay eyes on him, I started crying, which started him crying. He cannot be seen crying so that made us both shape up. We were more concerned with the other, and when we saw that we were both okay we could cope. He knew nothing about what brought him to this point, but he had an idea that it was his connection with a neighbor of his. We made it through our visit and like always, we made the most of it. We always know that together we can handle anything and everything.
When an inmate is locked up, they are placed in solitary and when they do get to leave their cell, they are handcuffed and monitored by two guards at all times. I have watched my husband get handcuffed enough for this lifetime. Usually, when a visit is over we get to hug and kiss and linger just a second longer to say good bye again. This time when the guards came to escort him, I waved good bye and left. There was not a second good bye this time. That was the last time that I have talked to him.
His mother visited him this weekend. He is still locked up. The only clue to the charge apparently came when the warden on duty told him as he was leaving our visit that they knew that my husband and his neighbor are trying to start a business which of course is illegal. He still cannot call me and I don't know when this will be over for us. It is just more proof on the lack of control we have on our lives. That about catches us up on my husband. I'm praying that this is over soon.
At one point, my husband was brought back to have a hearing on his appeal. It was nice to have him closer but the visitation in county jail was a lot different than prison. We couldn't even be in the same room. Since he left to serve his time in the prison system, the county that we used to live in now requires video conferencing for the visits. I understand that is for the safety for all involved, but my problem is that we never had any contact during those visits. So in my opinion, the video visits were only for two reasons: 1. So they can monitor the visits easier (fine) and 2. Keeping contraband from being smuggled to inmates. (I do feel sorry for any organization that cannot trust its employees since I NEVER HAD CONTACT WITH MY HUSBAND AT COUNTY).
The other significant event that happened during this time was actually at the hearing. We were in the same room with the student with the lies and their family. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but it was manageable. I did not lash out as much as I wanted to. I could control my need for retribution. At the end of the hearing both sides were talking to the lawyers. My husband had to go to the bathroom. He was kept in his shackles because he is in the system. He had to hobble his way across the room to get there. As he hobbled across the prosecution side, the mother and two of her children felt the need to laugh out loud at my husband's predicament. As a parent, I understand the feeling of wanting to hurt the person that I think hurt my child. I just don't understand how laughing can be part of the equation.
We have had other ups and downs in the system. It is not an easy life. I should have thought of sticking with this blog much sooner to keep the ups and downs up to date.
We have been going through another difficult challenge for the past week. Last week, I was actually visiting my husband. I was looking forward to being with him. I have been going through a lot lately with my job and we were going to take the weekend to hash it out. When I got there, I found out that it was going to be a non contact visit because he had been locked up. It is something that they do for violent prisoners and other trouble makers. He had informed me that several of the inmates around him have been locked up and so I was afraid that his time was coming. Suddenly, I felt like I had suffered a punch in the gut. I was suddenly afraid for my husband and I had no idea what he was going through.
I tried to be strong when I saw him, but I was still not prepared to see my husband in a cage. During visit, they are placed in a secure cell to keep everyone safe. When I finally got to lay eyes on him, I started crying, which started him crying. He cannot be seen crying so that made us both shape up. We were more concerned with the other, and when we saw that we were both okay we could cope. He knew nothing about what brought him to this point, but he had an idea that it was his connection with a neighbor of his. We made it through our visit and like always, we made the most of it. We always know that together we can handle anything and everything.
When an inmate is locked up, they are placed in solitary and when they do get to leave their cell, they are handcuffed and monitored by two guards at all times. I have watched my husband get handcuffed enough for this lifetime. Usually, when a visit is over we get to hug and kiss and linger just a second longer to say good bye again. This time when the guards came to escort him, I waved good bye and left. There was not a second good bye this time. That was the last time that I have talked to him.
His mother visited him this weekend. He is still locked up. The only clue to the charge apparently came when the warden on duty told him as he was leaving our visit that they knew that my husband and his neighbor are trying to start a business which of course is illegal. He still cannot call me and I don't know when this will be over for us. It is just more proof on the lack of control we have on our lives. That about catches us up on my husband. I'm praying that this is over soon.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Will the truth ever come out?
I don't think so. Just last week, someone informed me that a girl that is involved with the family told her that the girl that lied about my husband "made it all up." Huh? Okay: S. told me that A. told her that C. made it all up. Will the other two help? No. S. is worried about what others will think of her "talking" and A. is very much involved with the family.
I know that people think that if she lied it would eventually come out. The problem with some liars is that they are really good at it. I remember when I was a kid being told the b.s. story of "If you tell one lie, it will just lead to others and it will be impossible to keep straight." I thought that it was a crock then. If you just told the same lie over and over, you wouldn't have to remember much. Also how many people would be strong enough to take it all back once they realize how much they have hurt someone?
Also people do not care enough to get involved. Since it does not affect them, they do not feel the need to get involved. After the trial, people told me that they thought my husband was innocent, but where were they during the trial? We needed support and love during this episode, but very few actually checked on us. We needed help, but people did not feel the need to do anything. I do not think that the truth will ever come out.
I know that people think that if she lied it would eventually come out. The problem with some liars is that they are really good at it. I remember when I was a kid being told the b.s. story of "If you tell one lie, it will just lead to others and it will be impossible to keep straight." I thought that it was a crock then. If you just told the same lie over and over, you wouldn't have to remember much. Also how many people would be strong enough to take it all back once they realize how much they have hurt someone?
Also people do not care enough to get involved. Since it does not affect them, they do not feel the need to get involved. After the trial, people told me that they thought my husband was innocent, but where were they during the trial? We needed support and love during this episode, but very few actually checked on us. We needed help, but people did not feel the need to do anything. I do not think that the truth will ever come out.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
An insignificant consequence
Tonight I watched the movie Practical Magic. I loved this movie when it came out. I have always wanted to be a little magical. Life would be easier it I could just conjure up a little something. :-) My husband and I have always loved watching movies together. Since he has been gone, I have not had the desire to watch any real movies. I can watch animated features. They are safe.
Tonight, I did not think about the content of the movie. I just remembered that I loved the movie. I watched it and at the end, I was depressed because I still had no magic powers and I do not know when my happy ending will come (or even if it will.)
It is now after midnight and I don't want to sleep because I am sad. A silly romantic movie is not supposed to make me feel like this. I have my soul mate. Life should be ideal. Right?
Tonight, I did not think about the content of the movie. I just remembered that I loved the movie. I watched it and at the end, I was depressed because I still had no magic powers and I do not know when my happy ending will come (or even if it will.)
It is now after midnight and I don't want to sleep because I am sad. A silly romantic movie is not supposed to make me feel like this. I have my soul mate. Life should be ideal. Right?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
His "crime"
What was his crime?
He was a teacher in this day and age. He cared too much and got too involved. I know his motives because I was there. I knew his students and I watched him interact with them. He informed me of everything in his life and even in his career. He wanted me involved. He wanted my opinions of the events surrounding the students and faculty.
I think that there are people in this world who do not understand when someone has good motives and puts themselves on the line. When people do not understand what is going on and they rely on gossip, they look for anything that could be wrong. With that mindset, it does not take long to find what you are looking for.
He was a teacher in this day and age. He cared too much and got too involved. I know his motives because I was there. I knew his students and I watched him interact with them. He informed me of everything in his life and even in his career. He wanted me involved. He wanted my opinions of the events surrounding the students and faculty.
I think that there are people in this world who do not understand when someone has good motives and puts themselves on the line. When people do not understand what is going on and they rely on gossip, they look for anything that could be wrong. With that mindset, it does not take long to find what you are looking for.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tuesdays
I really hate Tuesdays. Tuesdays are the only day that the mail runs that I do not get a letter from my husband.
Monday, April 14, 2008
A nasty turn
July 24, 2007. This is the day when my life was turned upside down. I watched as my husband was handcuffed and led away. I cannot tell you who I was next to or what I was wearing. All I knew was that my whole life was being ripped apart. I wanted to scream out that that THEY HAD GOTTEN IT WRONG! I was screaming it as loud as I could in my head, but I just couldn't get the words out. I knew that it would not help anyway. All I knew was that I had to tell our son that his father was not coming home.
Lies had just ruined my family and now we must face the consequences.
Lies had just ruined my family and now we must face the consequences.
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